What Is It Like to Feel All the Feels?

What Is It Like to Feel All the Feels?

By Amy Schumacher

Emotions.  What does that word mean to you?  It is just a clinical word?  Is it a sign of weakness?  Is it a guidance system?  Why do some people feel so many emotions so strongly while others are reserved and cautious with theirs?  What is wrong with those people who get so emotionally worked up over everything little thing?  NOTHING.  We are all different, and we process our emotions differently, but as someone who feels A LOT, let me tell you what it is like to be so emotionally vivid and vulnerable.

Hello, My Name is Amy, and I Am an Emotional Person.

Yes, I am one of those people.  I have been called “dramatic,” “overly sensitive,” “bleeding heart,” “worked up,” “hippie,” and “obnoxious,” just to name a few.  Many times, I’ve been told, “Calm down!” or “Why do you get yourself so worked up over something that doesn’t affect you?”  The answer is simple.  IT DOES AFFECT ME.  It affects me very deeply. 

Through the Feeling Glass...

When I read about some horrible event, I don’t just read the facts, think, “Well, that sucks,” and move on with my life.  I read the story, and my brain starts to recreate the events.  Down the rabbit hole, like Alice heading into Wonderland, my mind starts to envision all aspects of the events from the viewpoints all the people involved.  Take the recent police shooting of Philandro Castile as an example.  We have seen the footage from his girlfriend’s video, so I already have some visual pieces to this puzzle, but my brain delves deeper.  I can visualize the scene from Philandro’s point of view, almost feeling the burning pain of the gunshots and the warm, sticky, wetness of blood soaking his shirt, while the vision of a gun pointed at his face goes in and out of focus as consciousness eludes him.  I can feel the fear of his girlfriend.  In desperation, she clings to her phone so she is not alone in this terrifying moment.  She cannot reach over to comfort, hug, and hold Philandro during his final moments because there is still a gun aimed at the car.  She cannot reach back to her daughter for the same reason.  She is frozen.  That phone is her only connection.  I can imagine the confusion her tiny daughter feels as she watches all of this unfold from the backseat.  I have even attempted to imagine what is going on in that officer’s head.  In the video, we see him holding up a gun and screaming about how he told Philandro not to move.  The officer sounds panicked.  Is he panicking out of fear and adrenaline or is he shaken because he realizes he took a life?  Reading the stories about these events and watching videos, I am not just an observer.  I feel like I am there.  I feel the terror and the agony.  I can smell the blood.  I can taste the salty tears.  I FEEL IT ALL.  These are humans in distress, and I feel their suffering as acutely as if it were my own.  I am invested.  I care.

“Don’t Overthink Things!”

I have been told, "Stop overthinking things!" more times than I can count.  It is honestly humorous to me how people think I can flip my emotions on and off like a light switch.  I can be physically exhausted, but when my head hits my pillow at night, my brain begins to relive those visions.  My heart hurts.  I feel pain in my gut.  I feel the anguish deep in my soul.   I know there are some of you out there who understand what I am describing.  I also know that some of you probably think I am crazy and require treatment immediately, but I don’t need medication.  I AM NOT BROKEN.  I don’t want or need to be desensitized.  What helps me is to soak up all the information and then say, “How can I fix this?”

We Are the Future.

Emotional, empathetic people are not weak and pitiful.   We are the future.  We are the people who refuse to ignore the pain, suffering, and injustice of our world, and we push to find peace and a better tomorrow.  We sometimes have trouble understanding why others aren’t upset like we are.  We bare our souls and cannot fathom how others can turn a blind eye and not have something to say.  But, at the end of the day, I am grateful not all my loved ones feel what I feel.  It can be debilitating and draining.  It is often excruciatingly painful.  I don’t wish that upon them.  However, I do wish they would realize what I go through and not mock it.  Those of us who feel all these emotions are “taking one for the team,” so to speak.  We are strong enough to handle the responsibility of compassion.  Some people would crumble if they felt the pain we feel.  This isn’t meant for everyone, and sadly we will probably continue to be mocked by those who don’t understand, but we are the doers of the world.  We speak out because if we don’t, our hearts feel like they will explode.  We stand up when no one else will.  We shout when others are silent.  When you see us pour out our hearts and souls, don’t roll your eyes and mutter, “Here they go again!”  Thank us.  Comfort us. Love us. Even if you don't agree with us, please just respect our hearts.  Realize that silence is not an option for us because the pain eats away at us from within.  We HAVE to help.  We HAVE to share.  We HAVE to love.  We HAVE to hope.  Being emotional is a gift and a curse, but I would rather feel all the feels than feel nothing at all.